The Grace Pages

I believe in judgment

Woody Allen can be a brutally narcissistic and cynical filmmaker at times. Just look at an indulgent, cruel film like Deconstructing Harry (1997), and you'll see what I mean.

At his best, however, his films are tempered by a genuine warmth and a sense of grace. Take Broadway Danny Rose (1983), for instance, probably my personal favourite of all Woody's movies. Danny Rose is a loser, a no-hoper agent with a tendency to latch onto the least talented of acts, and whose heart is usually too big for his own good.

Broadway Danny Rose is a beautiful parable of grace and reconciliation. Talking with Tina (Mia Farrow) over a coffee, Danny (Woody Allen) philosophizes that guilt is good because it stops people doing devastating things to each other. At this stage, Tina's philosophy is 'take what you can get', and pretty much to hell with other people if they get in your way.

But a transformation occurs. Tina does Danny a wrong, and she loses sleep over it. They've spent only an afternoon together, and yet his words have stirred something in her. Having double-crossed him, her conscience is pricked, and she loses all life and vibrancy. Something has melted her cold exterior, and she cannot rest until she seeks out Danny and for forgiveness and friendship. Reconciliation. (Augustine suddenly comes to mind here: "You have made us for thyself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.")

Even Danny, as big-hearted as he is, finds it too painful to welcome her back at first, but his conscience is awakened, too, and it is time to put his words about forgiveness into action. The movie ends with a warm reconciliation as Tina - having lost her street-smart, worldly-wise veneer - is invited back to Danny's shabby apartment to share a plate of frozen Thanksgiving turkey.

I wonder: Is judgment part of the beauty of reconciliation? Is the pain of being searched and found guilty all part of the wonder of grace, forgiveness and the restoration of friendship with God and with each other? Guilt is, as Danny recognized, a blessing that deters us from hurting each other or, in Tina's case, that provokes us into seeking reconciliation.

Paul says an interesting thing: You have been reconciled to God in Christ - therefore be reconciled (2 Corinthians 5:19). It's a paradox: God has already reconciled us, and yet reconciliation is a future event that requires our response. That response is not the futile effort of arbitrary religious acts, but the simple acceptance of God's offer of friendship. And it is judgment - the painful awareness of having been examined and found guilty - that moves us towards reconciliation.

God has removed every obstacle, loudly proclaiming in Christ that he does not hold any of our wrongs against us, declaring us totally forgiven. Will we wallow in shame or turn around and take his hand?

RIP: A Blog for Dead Stars

I'm pretty busy these days, and I'm totally lacking in inspiration. I've always said that thinking time is a luxury, and I just haven't had the time (perhaps the inclination) to sit down and think deeply on the religious issues I used to blog about.

Part of the problem is that this blog has lost its focus. When I started it almost two years ago, the focus was spiritual abuse and fundamentalism. I said a lot about those issues, and I got out of my system a lot of the things I hadn't yet expressed about my journey out of fundamentalism. Now the blog doesn't have that focus and, more to the point, doesn't seem to have any focus. That makes it difficult to attract and hold readers, and ultimately difficult to motivate myself into writing regularly

And yet I really miss blogging. So I've decided to create a blog with a very clear focus, something that will require a little bit of research each day, and that will entertain myself and my readers. I have created RIP: A Blog for Dead Stars. It will be a round-up of obits and news stories about people - mainly in film and the arts - who've died.

Lest you think I just have a morbid obsession with death, it is not death itself that fascinates me, but the personalities themselves who are moving out of this world every day. RIP is about their lives, not the grisly details of their deaths.

I think it will be a fun project for me to undertake (oops, bad choice of words), and has the potential to get a regular audience, which I've missed as Grace Pages has faded slowly away. The Grace Pages remains, although I still struggle to find a focus for it. For now it will contain assorted ramblings for anyone who happens to be listening in. And if anyone has any thoughts on direction - let's hear them!

Things I'll do in 2006

I've never made New Year's resolutions before, at least not since I was a kid and made to do so in school. For all my Pentecostal years there was a huge stigma attached to making resolutions because it was pagan and depended on self-will rather than the power of the Holy Spirit.

Well, this year I thought I'd make some. The New Year the most appropriate time to sit down and reflect on the past and make some changes for the future, so here goes.

1. Manage my time better.
I'm what you might call a right-brained person - lacking in discipline and structure what I have in creativity and imagination. But there's no excuse. We all have to try extra hard with those things that don't come naturally to us. I want to be able to apply myself rigorously to a task and then have it over and done with, not have my day a disorganized melange of one thing flowing haphazardly into another.

2. Manage my money better.
Heh. Like I even have any money to manage.

3. Put aside a short amount of time a few times a week to do basic chores.
Mom will love this one. I'm not talking investing hours of my time in vacuuming and dusting. There are more important things in life than that. But how about taking just ten minutes out of my week to run the vacuum cleaner around the living room? Or five minutes just to wipe down the toilet and sink?

4. Be more active.
I've probably talked before about my obesity. The kind of work I do doesn't require me to be very active. I work mainly from home, and am almost always in front of the computer. Even just walking down to the postbox a few times a week would be an advance in terms of physical activity.

5. Stop eating crap.
I'm perfectly well-educated on what to eat - I just don't do it. And yet I feel so much better about myself when I choose a carrot over a packet of chips or chicken breast instead of sausages. And the weight will drop off, as it has done before.

6. Spend less time in front of the computer.
The work I do and the focus of my life is bound to have me in front of the computer screen for at least eight hours a day. But still, if I were more organized, I'd find time to sit down and read a newspaper or a book instead. Think about that - words on paper!

That's six already, and I can think of more, but these seem to be the most important. Time wil l tell how well I do. Place bets now.